an explaination

As a direct result of being raised an only child,
I ended up being a real chatty kid.
I can't honestly attribute all of my chat-tastic-ness to my upbringing,
but it definitely plays a significant role in the tenor of my gab.
Forced into the realm of conversation because the adults around me didn't want to play, I found it was a good way to get some significant attention.

Once in school, I noticed that I received a little more attention from my english
teachers than the others and so I dutifully paid them back by attempting to be an english major. I was going to be a writer. I lasted one year. Although unable to follow through I was still able to benefit. Writing was remarkably helpful in learning how to process my big emotions. The act of focusing in on difficult experiences gave rise to some well-needed self-awareness.

Instead of succumbing to the irrational belief that I was just horrible, as the source of all my woes, I eventually had to admit that when I viewed my feelings objectively I could see that although it was good to have them they didn't always offer wise counsel. And despite the delicious way in which my experiences could be seen as a part of a greater theme or lent themselves beautifully to the most melancholic of melodramatic exposition...I noticed a lost sense of peace when I let those methods re-color my past. I discovered that no matter how dramatic the event itself was, if I chose words that were less ornate then was able to give the piece authenticity.

I'm in a situation now where I rarely write. Studying math and science means a lot of reading and test taking but not much in the way of creative exposition. The 2 times I've had to write were great though. And had the big pay off of getting a little extra praise from my teachers in both instances, which is nice (as although I am an okay student I don't get many opportunities to stand out).

Lately, I'm a lot quieter. Mostly, I'm more comfortable with the occasion of not knowing what to say. It's sort of new, I remember being tongue-tied when I was a kid sometimes but as an adult it's generally been my MO to just let 'er rip! Now I kind of just accept fumbling a bit and being forced to just give up and wait for it to come. Writing is fun though. Expressing my self is a way I care for me. I promise to try and keep this pretty light, and am so open to dialogue as expected by anyone who knows me.

We'll see how this goes.

I would love feedback of any and all kind, especially on my writing. I feel at a particular loss as to how to get any better.

Thanks for being here,
Jenny